Oh, Please Not That Wall Again!

There are times in all of our lives that it seems we will revisit walls which seem to be unbreakable. No matter what we do , how hard we try to break through they just will not come down. We try everything we know to do then as a last resort we pray.  We take the wall to God.

I have one such wall. I have been fighting to break through for more than twenty years.  No matter what route I have taken to break through that wall all I have to show for it is many, many tears, and many black eyes with bloody hands from digging. I want to be free to see what is on the other side. Yet something holds me back.

Sunday night at church at a revival meeting at our church God answered in a way only He could. One of the sisters in our church, Sister Elizabeth shared a word from God that she felt was for someone who was facing a wall. She said God said there was someone there that was trying to go through a wall, and just could not get through. She said God said it was time to start stepping up and going over the wall instead of through. Something burned inside me as I knew God was speaking to me. I had expressed to a dear friend just that morning that I was so tired. I felt I had no more energy to give. I was ready to give up. Twenty years is a long time to go in circles. As I was driving home from church  I had asked God if I was in the wilderness and if I was going to be there 40 years like the Israelites were. I cried out that I wanted to see the promise land and not just keep wandering with no end in sight. God heard my prayer and that with the help of a word from Sister Elizabeth I knew it was time to start climbing step by step until I stand on the top of the wall. From there  I will see the promise land.

What promise land do I speak of? One of healing and hope for a good future. One where God performs His miracle of carrying me when I can no longer walk myself. One of peace from fear of seeing my wall again. I know now I have to climb. This is not a wall to go through but one to go over. It may not be easy, yet if I  will take steps no matter how small and look up instead of down God will bring me through. I may need to just be quiet and stop talking to let God’s Spirit guide me. Just as the Israelites brought down the wall of Jericho by walking in silence I will go over my wall to the promised miracle of God.

It is 4:50 a.m. February 4th, 2009.  I am starting my climb and with God holding my hand I will reach the top. I don’t know when but I do know I will reach the top.